A Lion's Tale: Around the World in Spandex by Jericho Chris

Author:Jericho, Chris [Jericho, Chris]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Biographies
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
Published: 2007-10-24T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 28

AIN’T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE A FAMOUS WRESTLER?

Unfortunately, Jimmy’s business skills didn’t match his promo skills, and he tried to offset our huge guarantees by booking us on personal appearances.

When we showed up for our first appearance at a furniture store, I had to look in the mirror to make sure I hadn’t transformed into David St. Hubbins because there was nobody there.

I’m not saying there were only four or five people. I’m saying there was Nobody there. NOOOOOBODY!

Only Artie Fufkin begging us to “kick this ass for a man” was missing.

It was embarrassing but the owner of the store wouldn’t let us leave.

“You gotta stay for two hours. I’m paying you seventy-five bucks each.” I would have paid him the seventy-five myself for the right to split. But we had to sit at a table in the middle of the store on a Saturday afternoon with the customers milling around wondering who the hell the two idiots with the stack of photos in front of them were. A couple of kids finally showed up to hang around the table and one of them said, “Ain’t you supposed to be a famous wrestler? How come nobody is here? Where is everybody?”

There’s no way to answer that question with any kind of dignity.

I just smiled and shooed them away. When another kid asked Lance, “Are you a famous pro wrestler?” he deadpanned, “Apparently not.” The kid wilted under Lance’s fuck-off stare and wandered away. The next 112 minutes were long ones indeed.

The silver lining was that the owner of the furniture store had connections in the music business and offered to get me free Metallica tickets. After seeing the huge crowd we’d drawn to his store, it was the least he could do.

So I drove the three hours to Cincinnati and saw Metallica, Danzig, and Suicidal Tendencies. It was a great show and because of my tight connection with Krazy Kelly’s Kooky Furniture, I got to hang around backstage like a real rock ’n’ roller. I was speechless when I got to meet Metallica’s guitar player Kirk Hammett. I was even more speechless when I asked him for his autograph and he replied, “Only if I can use my boner as a speed bump.”

Master of Meat Puppets?

After I drove over Kirk’s kock with my Kamaro, I struck up a conversation with Rob Dibble, a pitcher for the Cincinnati Reds, who’d helped his team win the World Series that year. The power of music once again reared its rockin’ head and after discussing the finer points of thrash metal, he invited me to come hang out. Let me say that hanging out in the VIP section of the hottest clubs in Cincy with a World Series winning pitcher definitely didn’t suck. Rob even lent me his championship ring to wear for the night and I used it to prove to the girls that I was a pitcher for the Reds also.

Back in SMW, Cornette introduced his new attraction: a pair of angry ghetto dudes called the Gangstas.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.